gossamer (on the other end of a question)
HARK. this evening, i was anxious and overwhelmed and not too pleased with myself. but i passed a bird in a freshly rain-wet tree. i stopped when i heard it singing. its voice was... clattering? i thought it sounded like aluminum plates skitching along some hard surface, but that wasn't quite it. because its voice sloped against its tiny organs gently, as if it hovered just above the waters... oh! oh!! aha!!!! the bird metaphor was now complete: it sang like metal discs bouncing down a thin, repulsive wave of wire! ha!!! and they said i couldn't do it!!
CONSIDER "we keep us safe."
WHATEVER. speaking as a bard, QUIET POLITICS. THE EROTICS AS LIBERATORY. WRAPPING FREEDOM IN FUR AND HARPSICHORD. SWINGING LOW, WITH WINGS AND LIGHT TIPPED SWORDS.
SHREDDING. and MY HANDS CARRY WEIGHT AS FUCK.
BECAUSE.... i STUDY and READ and WRITE and MAKE POETRY and MAKE MUSIC and SHARE IT with PEOPLE. and i PERFORM and PRINT and SCREAM and LOVE and HUG and SMILE.
AND i have some thoughts: ecco2k and jane remover and ocean vuong and the erotic aesthetic hermeneutic bliss of submission, smothering, and expunging.
BOTH wings getting all wondrous and arpeggiated.
YES, julia holter and the hot dog stand and the sensitive flicking of light and vision and gender and seeing and rain coats and everything else.
ALONGSIDE care as a unit of change.. if prejudice is the failure to care to know, then what else is a failure to care? how do we engender care? necessitate it?
IF culture like a cobweb , then what is gossamer?
WREATHED in communion and consummation as fluid, ongoing negotiations. enthusiastic and joyful. effusive and delightful (wonderful? can this hurt? can it still be good?) and earnest.
SPLAYING open. books and big smiles. through compliments, affirmations. shared like water. and the vulnerability part... being naked and learning about it. and soothing yourself when it inevitably gets scary.
RANDOM Dog: gently reminds herself that no one is hurt forever, that she is progressing wonderfully, and that being open-handed is lovely and essential,
PROMISES i will turn to water, fluid and unmoored in my obedience to the gravity of process, the steady roiling of dynamics, and my own good faith (to learn more, to hear more, to ponder more, to speak more). in service of some dialectic. if those are even real.
ELASTIC + paws = ??? do i stay fluid and joyful and wide-eyed? especially when fright abounds?
SPECULATION... stilling the static energy coiling inside; noticing it, nursing it, blessing it, letting it. when i am one with my skin and my fur and my face and my tongue, i can flow with good grace and humour. and
FAITH. angels only move when they are calm in the lap of the sun. i will learn the same. i will practice the calming, the swishing, the swaying to a close. and then a little whisper sprouts. and i follow it dutifully. cobbled streets, candle lights, and otherwise. big trees. i follow, still. my voice swells in the quiet between my lungs. and in the blanket: girl
REGARDLESS (further, still), i assume there will be times where the quiet brings darkness. slathered clouds. i am not sure if that is an inevitable part of the process. but i will not thrash. to resist would be to neglect the first lesson. i will practice this. stillness first. then acceptance of
WHICHEVER. this is how i grow. branches wide and quiet. then the wind gets LOUD, LOVE and understanding you). that
KID whose scream is swooping high, cleaning up around here; what an acrobat!
OR, do not punish :)
MAGIC! less guilt-ridden and white already :P. and to punish is "to talk excessively about subject matter that no one [else] has any interest in, or to talk about it to the point where no one [else] cares any more." how? how to know? to
KEEP negotiating, to keep bringing out the table from wherever it slipped! :) and keep holding on to everyone, figuratively (or literally, if you both want that), so that, hopefully, you will know the ifs-and-whens. as they emerge. and shift. and
NEGOTIATING breaths in that quiet calm, that fur-by-air stillness, that easy pace. noticing can move by discourse, but even the discourse requires noticing. and noticing requires listening, deeply. and listening deeply requires that quiet calm. and that quiet is the spiritual, not the literal. it might involve both. but it is always the first. i
THINK. i should be mindful; who wants me literally quiet? a
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